Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
