dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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