i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
