we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
