he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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