apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
