Best friends brother. Beat that.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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