So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
