My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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