you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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