Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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