i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
