Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
