I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
