i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can you bring me the toilet please
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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