she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
