His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
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I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize