it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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