I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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