This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
