My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
