dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
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She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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