True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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