While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is Oprah even human
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
