what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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