She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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