well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
