I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
