I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
