I'm really into asian looking animals
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm both gender and math confused
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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