is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
