once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
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