I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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