It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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