That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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