you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
