omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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