Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
