I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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