My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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