i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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