Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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