Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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