I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
