so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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