are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
