Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
