The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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