Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
