Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
