i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
that is very illegal...i love you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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