does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
