I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
