I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
