It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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