You really coming over, don't trick.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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