ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Im part way to drunk.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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