I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
