maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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