i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
