i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
