i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
