this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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