i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
