someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
