theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
