And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
