i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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